24/08/12

I know I am only 10/11 dpo but I feel I am out.  That test the other day must have been bad.

I go back and forth in my mind about this whole ttc issue.  I still melt when I see pictures of babies but at the same time I often think maybe we'll be better off to just have B.  B is going to be 5 in 2 months.  If a new baby were to ever arrive she/he would be so much younger.  I am not saying they couldn't be close but it would have been so much different if G were here.  They would have been playmates and hopefully good friends as adults.  It's just not the same with siblings who are several years older. I know this first hand as the next closest to me is 6 years older.  My oldest siblings have grandchildren where I am still trying to build my family....yes I am a Great-Auntie 3x over.

Things came to a head this week with BIL lets just say I had to "lose it" and now I am afraid I appear to be the bi*ch DIL.   But I stand firm that it is absolutely not our responsibility to front the cost of BIL living here.  Especially when the in-laws asked us to not kick him out.  Whatever our house our rules.   Of course the whole thing has me stressed out.

I am also stressed about Brennan's school the tuition (because we just bought a new car....more payments!  Another source of stress)  But the place is in a pretty serious position. It's all in the news and I happen to have some additional info because they are clients of my firm.  Anyways they assure us there is a contingency plan in place (I hope so).  I wanted to send B to this school ( a private Christian school he went to k4 there) because they offer full day K5, small classes etc.  and B being the busy boy he is I know he needs that little bit extra to get a good start at his student career.   I did check into public school but since registration starts in March the only school I could get him in is the one my neighborhood kids are assigned to....which happens to be way out of the way and scored poorly on standardized tests, so not really a good choice either.

Still plugging away at my psych course.   It is taking much longer than I had hoped.  I am 3 months in still have 1 unit to read and do the test, an journal critique, paper, and exam left.  It hasn't been easy finding time/energy for this between everything else in life.  The thought of nursing school excites and scares me and stresses me out.  I often wonder if we'll ever make it happen.