Pictures

Before G I used to take and have lots of pictures printed. I have album upon album of B's first two years. Since then the only photos I have uploaded for printing have been for my inlaws and the ones I printed of G.  I haven't removed the pictures from my cameras memory card since before Christmas 2009.  Every picture taken since then is on that card or on my phone.  In comparison to the first two years I have been a bad bad mommy.

I finally took the time last night to upload all of the pictures from that memory card and the iPhone file on the computer to the store so I can get prints or maybe just a cd.   Choose not to upload the pictures from my brothers wedding 2 years ago....they separated this year...

I look back on the pictures from nearly 3 years ago.  B was still such a baby.  I know he was turning 2 but so little.  Even though I have witnessed and been involved  these past 3 years I feel in a way like I have missed them.  Grief and ttc have robbed me of really enjoying the child I do have.  Now he's getting ready to start kindergarten.  My big boy now.  I am still stuck on the same cycle of dashed hopes and disappointment.

Signed us up for this years Walk to Remember.  Our Third.

August 30 will be three years since our successful cycle when G was concieved.  I often wonder if there is anyone else out there still trying 3 years later.  7 failed iui, 1 failed ivf, several failed rounds of clomid and letrozole, and to top it all of on the 2 cycles that didn't fail resulted subsequent miscarriages.  When is enough enough?