I am so ready for some change....well positive change. I really can't think of the last time something positive happened. I was thinking about this the other day on the way home from work, and yes we are fortunate to have what we do but life is really wearing on me. I trudge my way through the week, wishing the days away till the weekend. Weekends are usually full of stuff, errands, cleaning etc etc and then it starts all over. Work is wearing on me, we are about to start a Reno which means my floor is moving to swing space in two days, and we are about to have this huge merger. Btdt....and it didn't end well for me the last time. Not that I would be too sad to leave, but I need a job to pay the mortgage so it's better that I stay there.
I still desire a new baby, but it seems so unlikely to happen. I am dreaming of school but don't know what the reality will be, if we could ever swing it. I am not sure I will ever get over the baby thing, I am not sure how to not resent every pregnant woman I see or every announcement I read. I sucks. At the same time I also feel that it's too late for us....not that I am too old but it's just been a long road already and that wears on me to.
I did call the clinic tonight. I had been putting it off, I just wasn't positive I wanted to even go through with an iui cycle. In a way I feel some guilt because we have expressed interest in C (although no progress has happened)....so it doesn't really make sense to ttc. Also ttc means life on hold again. Can't do this or that, cycling, might get pregnant....yeah the last 3 years have been that.
I am plugging away at my English class. I just have one assignment and the exam. I can't wait to finish this course and start the next one!
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