I had a consult today with Dr M. I was feeling pretty anxious about it, I knew it would be the "done" talk and when someone is doing something they don't really want to do it's really hard. I am stuck in a hard place, I wanted to have another pregnancy so bad, but to keep going like this well isn't that the definition of insanity? Things are finally moving along with the adoption and that makes me happy but I don't know that I will ever be ok with giving up on my dream.
Dr M. was good. At first offered to get me a second opinion when I told him I felt there must be an underlying issue. To have conceived B and G so easily (in ART terms) and now nothing but 2 mmc in 3 years. Doesn't make sense. I did decline the second opinion. We talked about going back on BC....so technically we can try again at some point if we wish to but it would take something pretty big to do that.
I told him about C and he agreed to fill out my medical form in exchange for a promise of baby snuggles. He was very excited for us and awed over a picture of her. He is such a caring person. He asked me to come back in a few months to see how things are with the BC and made sure I knew when I needed to book my next pap.
It's been a difficult day and I've been holding back tears and spilling some. Goodbyes are hard....especially when your letting go of your hearts desire.
2 comments:
I'm so sorry. I know that feeling well, and it is hard indeed.
I can't imagine it being easy! Hugs to you! <3
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