Does it ever go away?

I was thinking tonight on my train ride home about how bitter I feel. Does it ever go away? Am I destined to live out my life with a black hole of bitterness on my heart. I tell myself in my head that people will probably tell me it's a choice. I can choose to be bitter or I can choose to not be bitter. It's just not so simple to me. Even if I find other things to enjoy and fulfill my life IT will always be there, the years of infertility and the crushing disappointment of every bfn, the early losses, Gavin. Those things I cannot forget or forgive. I haven't quite figured out how the years of all of that have "made me a better person."

The pregnant hr lady I try not to even look at her but when I do I longingly stare at her belly, I am instantly envious of every pregnant lady I see.

My eyes have been brimming over will tears the last few days....hormones I guess....another bfn for sure, there will be no rainbow here.