RE visit and update

I had my follow up appointment with Dr M this past week.  I really was hesitant to go because of the kids.  I knew dr m wanted to meet c but the thought of taking B and C wasn't a good one.  B ended up going swimming at grandma and grandpa's it's a good thing because is was a bit of a wait.  Thank goodness there was only one lady in the waiting room....and I so wanted to apologize to her!

I talk to dr m about how the nuva ring is going and a few issues I am having.   We are attempting to do extended use and so far my body sucks at that.  Dr m was like I feel so bad, I just want this to work because I've failed you in ttc.  I don't really feel that he has failed me....I have B he was a success...it's just since B we have had nothing but failure, I wouldn't put the blame on dr m....he is after all only human and sometimes things happen for reasons science can just not explain.

We chatted a bit about C and how B is transitioning.  Dr m has a little boy the same age as b and he and his wife are considering adding another so he was very interested in my experience.  It hasn't been easy that's for sure!  It would probably be different in good ways and not so good ways if C were a newborn v a toddler.

That desire for pregnancy/baby still there.  I've been watching a vloger since about Mother's Day when she released a really nice video....you see she is a part of the loss world and had a couple of losses.  She just had her rainbow two weeks ago (no fertility issues what so ever) baby boy is just adorable...and I still want one even though I know that stage lasts such a short time and then the toddler tantrums and 5 year old freak outs ensue.  

Having a #3 doesn't seem practical to me but my heart says otherwise, regardless of the trauma we've already been through. Maybe we will consider fostering babies....I don't know.   So frustrating I am still stuck in that place...trying to find a purpose for my life, trying to find meaning.

I've been sick for a bit over a week...strep I think....just now finally feeling better and have a bit of energy.  B has more day camp this week so it will be a busy one.