January update

I've been meaning to write a post but keep finding reasons to not do it ;). Gavin's birthday was a little different this year.  We did take time to remember him and had some cake and candles at diner, but for the most part my day had to go on as normal.  School runs and gymboree, taking care of a toddler, I didn't get my chance to go through Gavin's things or weep on the floor as I have done in past years.  The evening of the 8th was much more difficult for me, just thinking about and remembering the devastation I felt when we discovered Gavin's life was in jeapordy, coping through the labour, praying...and the utter despair the moment I knew it was over.  I changed my profile pics on fb and started getting comments.  It's nice to know some people still care.  I went to sleep that night in tears and awoke about 2:21 am....just a few minutes after Gavin's time of birth.

Later the next week I went for lunch with one of my co-workers.  I had my dad drop us off at the lrt station and he mentioned that he watched my montage, then he said I needed to be careful with my emotions.....whatever that means.  Then he proceeded to tell me about a woman in his condo building that went through a similar loss to mine 40-50 years ago and that she hurts.  He seemed surprised that this woman could still hurt over her loss.  I just said losses like these are not something a person ever gets over.  I was a bit shocked that he has trouble understanding that but I guess he is no different from most people out there who couldn't even imagine what such a loss would be like.

In other news I think I have managed to firm up Dayhome for C.   She will start part-time in March and then hopefully full time in April.  The reason I say hopefully is because the ft spot will be opening up because child's mom is pregnant BUT hasn't decided exactly when she will be leaving work.  I am hoping that my parents will help out if necessary.  C will still have the pt spot and I don't go back to work till the 7th so hopefully it won't be more than 2-3 weeks of 3 days a week for them.  My parents are not young and in my opinion have visibly aged in the last few years.  This Dayhome is through an agency and I've been there to fill out the paperwork so now I can not worry about that for my last 10 weeks off :)

I've been talking with my co-worker and hr.  I am hoping to maybe go to a 4 day work week but they want me to come back first to see how things will go.  They did hire on the temp ft...BUT...they may still can AT so....we'll see.  My hope in doing the 4 day work week is to have a better family life balance.  The day off can be used for do errands, cleaning, laundry, staying connected with Brennan's school, maybe gym time for me....and then the weekends can focus more on the family rather than trying to do all those "boring adult things" oh yah my supervisor is currently off on medical leave and will be off for about 6 weeks.  If I had to guess I think she is on stress leave....it's been a disaster there since I left.

B and school is still a struggle.  The dr's office was supposed to submit a referral for the school age neurodevelmopmental assessment clinic. I dropped off all the paperwork in early December, but guess what, someone dropped the ball.  I very nicely demanded that this referral be made top priority for the dr tomorrow and that the dr be told my paperwork was dropped off there in early December. B is so capable but at the same time so stubborn.  It's incredibly frustrating for both myself and dh to see him not even try on his spelling tests.  He lost two privileges this weekend and I hope this time he learns and remembers what his lack of trying gets.

Ms C is ok. It's still a struggle with food but because W and I are trying to be healthy we don't bring in too much junky food.  I have to get creative sometimes.  I bought more adventurous purée packs with peas, broccoli, pear mix.  She didn't like it so I mixed it with a blueberry sauce and she ate it all lol.  She still can be really whinny especially when W is around.  Very frustrating.