Why do I have to feel this way!?!
A friend of mine gave birth last Thursday to a healthy baby girl. I was very excited for her. She and her s/o went through quite a bit to have this little baby. They did IVF with unexpected poor quality eggs. 1 took. None to freeze. A scare during their NT scan that required an amnio. Thankfully baby was healthy.
So she finally got around to posting her birth story. I read it and I was jealous and bitter. It's a beautiful story of a vaginal birth, mom and baby both great and breastfeeding is going wonderfully. It really shouldn't be any other way.
I went back and re-read my story. Why couldn't I have a beautiful experience like that? Why did the day that was supposed to be one of the best in my life have to suck? Why do I feel guilty?
I was at this Norwex party today. There were other mom's with their kids their. We were talking about bringing a second child into the family. I told them all I wanted was for things to go a better the second time around.
I may not get a vaginal birth, but I want to be awake, I want to be able to bond with my child, I want breastfeeding to go a lot better.
I tell you there have been a lot of days in my life that I have felt I have been dealt the short end of the stick. I know in the back of my mind that things will eventually get better, but for a time I lounge in a dark bitter place.
1 comment:
Yes. I understand.
I tell people I'd like a living child next time. I'll trade the vaginal birth.
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