Tears....

Last night after I wrote my previous post I changed my FB status to feeling sorry for myself. Of course that got a couple of comments. It's nice to know people are thinking of me I guess. I choose to explain to one person, the reason I was feeling kind of sad....and then signed off and went to bed.

This morning I see her response in my inbox. I read it. Then the tears started. She didn't "get it." Her response was at least B is healthy and next time things will be better. I am forever great full B was born healthy. The comment "we dodged a bullet" is not far from the forefront of my mind.

Maybe my thoughts are wrong, but I assumed giving birth was supposed to be a time of immense joy and exhilaration. The moment the baby come out cry's for the first time placed on the mom's chest. The first few hours after when the baby is at it's most alert.

Maybe for some it seems like a small thing in the grand scheme of things but I feel that I missed a lot in those relatively short moments.

Anyways....enough of that....I hate to cry....It makes my eyes sore, glues my contacts to them and I usually end up with a big headache....looking out the window I might be in for one anyways as the sky appears to be ready to open up any minute.

Brennan's surgery is still scheduled for Tuesday. I am feeling nervous and a bit anxious....I am thinking that may be part of the reason for my current mood. My 17 month old niece is being dropped off today for the weekend. That should keep my mind occupied.