I thought it was high time to post. I don't want to be neglectful of my blog. I've actually got a cold and feel extremely tired. It's a long work day when your not feeling 100%.
Today will be the official start of Autumn. Quite honestly I am not really looking forward to the fall and winter. I think about the short days and dark dark nights. It's not surprising to me that people suffer with seasonal depression.
I am having enough trouble right trucking through and staying hopeful and positive. It's going to be even harder in the coming weeks...blah...I am starting to do the "this time last year" thing. I know that as I hit every anniversary, our first, second and third ultrasounds, telling the family, my birthday, Christmas....I will keep thinking about how I was happy then....and that now I am not.
It never ends...the constant reminders....not that I want to forget....just would like to be happy again....not let all those reminders pull me into that dark place....just a little happy....please?
I almost feel stupid writing that. I can just hear people saying things like "life is what you make it" or "only you can make you happy" or "suck it up" or "think of the other good things in your life." But I honestly don't know how to not be sad when I think back or think about what has happened. This has been the worst year of my life...believe me if I could go back and change things I would do it in a second. :(
3 comments:
I totally understand where you are coming from. I keep telling myself that so many people have terrible illnesses or physical disabilities. Here I am, able bodied and healthy, but sad all the time. I'm not making the most of the time I have, time that other people want so desparately and it makes me ashamed of myself. But then, if those people were in my situation, I bet they would be just as sad.
I am also looking forward to the day when reminders bring a smile to my face rather than tears to my eyes. It has started happening slowly, but the tears come more often than the smiles.
Praying for comfort and solace. When can you do lunch?
It is so hard to be happy even with all the blessings we do have. It seems impossible to be happy when our children are dead. The reminders are so hard for me too, I have been struggling with them a lot lately. Thinking of you and hope your cold clears up and you are feeling better soon!
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