About a month ago my neighbor told me (and our other neighbor) that she and her husband would be ditching birth control and ttc their first child. I am not really sure why she told me this. But I guess she wanted advice or something.....pretty sure I mentioned this a few blog posts ago. Well guess what?! She just found out she's pregnant.....she wasn't feeling well went to the doctor who then ran a preg test....BFP. She ended up telling our mutual neighbor first. They both know my story and about our struggle to ttc. The mutual neighbor let me know. In a way I am glad it happened that way. Not sure how I would have handled a one on one with that news. I am sure I could have held my composure but I don't know if I could have been congratulatory and not looked like a liar. Sure it's great she got her bfp in the first month trying whoo hoo for them. But for me in my world it's a freaking slap in the face from dear old mother nature or whomever. This morning I had a terrible dream, that Brennan died, I woke up crying. I told dh that if that ever happened he'd probably have to have me admitted to a psych ward. My dh knowing that I'd had some rough news/thoughts today got me a surprise....an early birthday/Christmas gift...an I.Pad2 which I am currently writing this post from. I had been looking at them but of course this tablet is a total want and an extra. It's a really great gift and I am sure I will use it lots...I wish it could be so simple....buy a new electronic toy and that could fix everything. Unfortunately that ugly resentement stuff still lurks, and there is no erasing the grief we've endured and the ttc frustrations and headaches that will still endure. We are "celebrating" Thanksgiving tomorrow. Our second since losing Gavin. Last year I struggled to be thankful and I don't think this year is going to be any different. Quite frankly not much has changed in our world in the last year. More loss more grief....