Self preservation

I have to remove someone from my newsfeed on FB. I got bombarded for the second time in less than a week with neighbour baby news....and apparently it's going to be a weekly occurrence. Obviously she won't know and I can still check things out on my terms. This is what keeps rolling around in my head....the injustice of IF and pregnancy loss..I know she's allowed to be innocent and ignorant....it's better that way....but it doesn't make my situation suck any less. Getting pregnant for you: Stopping birth control, having sex, first cycle bfp. Getting pregnant for me: Tons of time, time spent waiting, time spent on bfn cycles etc, tons of fun drugs, injections, oral pills and vaginal pills. Visiting the blood lab every other day, dildo cam visits ever other day, minor surgery to remove eggs from my swollen ovaries, dh wacking off into a cup, anxiously awaiting fertilization reports, transfer of embryos via catheter feet in stirrups RE between legs....an anxious 2ww....possible ohss and oh yeah the thousands of dollars spent trying. Being pregnant for you: Telling your neighbors the second the pee stick turned positive, announcing to fb at 12 weeks, posting weekly "belly" picks, being excited, hopeful and ignorant, in all likelyhood coming home with a baby in June. Being pregnant for me: In short an exercise in holding my breath. For test day to see if all that money was worth it, for beta day, and the second to see if it doubled, for the first u/s to see if there is an actual baby with a heartbeat, follow up u/s to make sure it's still alive, quick breather at 13 weeks out of the first tri! Now time for a cerclage a decision which comes with a risk of losing the pregnancy, now to hold breath till past viability and then till the baby is extracted from my body because I know nothing is ever guaranteed.....fearful, scared, knowing....wondering if I'll leave another baby in the morgue or bring one home alive and well.