Ivf #1 the baseline

I was at the clinic today for my cd 21 baseline. Everything looked fine on u/s. It seems they (people at the clinic are starting to remember me)....dr (not mine) remembers scanning me before....nurse remembers speaking with me...probably a good thing. I chatted with the nurse got my protocol. I was very surprised to learn I would be stimming with Memopur and 300iu to start. I always read that menopur is bad for pcosers....and I used only Gonal F and Puregon during my iui cycles. But my re picked the drug and dose I guess I have to trust him. Went through all the consent forms tonight, we signed them and had our signatures witnessed and I will go get my meds tomorrow. I start stims on Feb 29 and my first u/s is Mar 4. I've been so anxious this week. I actually had a terrible heartburn thing going on Tuesday afternoon which ended in me barfing all night. I am not totally convinced it wasn't because of nerves rather than a bug. I finally managed my way to the bank on Thursday to get that draft to take today. Feeling better now. I am still anxious. Mostly to be disappointed. I remember back in uni I read "The importance of disappointment". I really can't remember anything about the book but I can understand how it might be important for people to experience not so great things in life.....but I've had way to much disappointment. I don't want any more when it comes to ttc and loss...I have had my fair share. That is my biggest fear of all this...the fear of disappointment a bfn, a mc or a late loss. I could care less about the I injections and surgery its just a part of the process.