22/12/14

So life has a way of always continuing on despite the crappy things that happen.  I've been feeling pretty frustrated. After the loss of the temp job we made the decision for dh to be the stay at home parent (with pt work). He gave notice to the day home and I was feeling ok about the decision. But dh was talking about interviews and such, and I was thinking ....hum...anyhow he's now working at a new temp job.  The sahd thing didn't last long! And miss c was in Dayhome the entire time!

B sees a therapist through the learning and development clinic for play therapy. She had mentioned dh and I coming to talk when B spilled the beans about the job loss. So after the loss of the temp job she made time for us after b's regular appointment a couple weeks ago.  It was good to talk, I feel comfortable with the therapist and like talking to her, even though she has pegged my nervous giggle.  She was able to point out a few things, make some suggestions and correlate some of B's behaviour with dh's. We talked a bit about me and grief over the losses and the IF and how dh feels about it all.  He apparently is over it and doesn't really get how I feel or why I feel the way I do.  The therapist had already suggested an appointment for just me which will happen in a couple weeks.

I've been doing a bit of thinking lately...especially through all this turmoil....I've been feeling especially low (again).  I wonder if I am depressed, I know I am still grieving but maybe there is something more.  Dysthymia seems to fit me rather nicely and those various internet quizzes seems to indicate there might be a problem.  I am going to brave it up and ask when I see her next.  I saw her today for B's appt but had miss c with me and didn't want to get into it.

I am off work this week, the kids are excited for Christmas.  I do still struggle with the holidays, lots of feelings of sadness, but I do my very very best to make it a happy time for the kids.  I cry on my own time...like in the shower with the music going (blue tooth speaker in he bathroom, therapist suggested to have some me time, my only place of refuge).

In positive news, my dads latest ct shows things are looking good, none of the cystic lesions are worse and some of his fractures are looking better.  He must be on the trial drug, for this I am very grateful.

I am feeling sick to my stomach tonight....please no stomach bug...ugh.