Day 1 January 8th

I said I would give daily journaling a try, so here it goes.  Today I feel very reflective and have a bunch of emotions, sadness anger, guilt, envy and anxiousness. I have been reflecting on 5 years ago, by this time I was in labour, in a lot of pain,  begging God to save my baby.  I am sad because I miss what should have been, because life feels pretty sucky most of the time. I am angry because I (we) have been dealt so many hardships. Angry because I get to spend most of tomorrow being a single mom when I probably could use support from my husband.  Guilty because I am not being a good mom, wife or friend really. I am envious of my neice who is due to give birth to her second child any day.  Her first born shortly after b, a non complicated delivery.  This one they announced the minute the pee stick turned pink. I am anxious because I am meeting with K to talk tomorrow.