Jan 19

Well the weekend has passed and it's Monday morning yet again.  How much do I loath getting out of bed to go to work....very much!  I almost always wake before my alarm goes off (at an ungodly hour)...then I lay there and think, sometimes doze off.....and then eventually the darn alarm goes.  I've been sleeping poorly for years, I didn't realize until recently that my sleep patterns are common amongst grievers and people with depression.

Over all over the last few days I have been feeling ok.  I am still trying to work through the confusion of my thoughts, you know things like what I need to do or not do and what will happen, I am not a fan of uncertainty.

Dh and I had date night on Friday.  We don't get those too often. It was nice.  We were able to talk a little bit about things, my talk with K, and the online guy.  I am not sure he totally gets it but he is a reasonable person and wouldn't deny me the help that I desire or think I need. I think he struggles trying to figure out how to make me happy, but at the same time some of the things I wish he would figure out or make better are a bit outside of his box or comfort zone.  Truly frustrating for me. Dh was able to change his schedule so I can go to the grief recovery seminar this week.

Saturday, I wrote my letter to G.  C was watching tv and I sat there with silent tears streaming down my face writing and then reading aloud to myself this letter.  I am supposed to read it to someone I trust and preferably not someone involved in the loss.  Maybe I'll get a chance one day.  Not sure if writing the letter has made me feel any different, I did start with a pretty intense grief, I wonder if I should go back and do an easier one.