Feb 9

I am tired.  Last night was tough, B not wanting to co-operate by doing our work or taking his pill.  It's so frustrating.  I refuse to spend hours sitting there waiting for him to try.  I put my timer on for 10 minutes and when that was up I said ok that's enough.  Boy did he ever get mad.  I later gave him a second chance at his insistence.  I waited for 5-6 minutes to see if he would do anything and nothing.  So I put the white board down and said that's enough I'm going to bed.  W came home shortly after I told B to go see his dad and take his pill.  That didn't happen.  He went to his room.  Later came back to our room with his cot, blanket and pillow and went to sleep.  The kid woke me up through the night moaning and groaning.  I thought he was sleeping on the floor.  Then I awoke to him basically sleeping on his feet with his head beside mine.  I pulled him into the bed.  I already told W no electronics today. He will be mad.  We do need to get it under control though.  It's just so easy to let him do it because then he's occupied and my depressed self doesn't have to make much effort.  Way to go parent of the year!

I have an appointment with one the efap people next week.  The good part it is in the building where I work so that is handy.  The bad part is that I don't really want to go haha.  I am anxious about opening myself up to this guy, worried I won't connect with him.  Worried I might go in with a bias because I like K so much and feel like there is that trust bond. That trust didn't come automatically,  we've been having appointments with her and B since June and I am only at this point somewhat ok being completely open.  It was interesting because at last appointment she made a comment about how she didn't feel she got much from me on Jan 9.  I found that a little surprising. We talked about a lot though so maybe it was just that we touched the surface of many things but didn't delve too deeply. Ugh so another week of work.  Next weekend is a long. Weekend so that's nice.