May 23

Doesn't have quite the same meaning as last year.  May 23, 2010 was Gavin's estimated due date.  He did not and would not have come on that date but last year it marked the end of what should have been, the end of the 40 weeks of pregnancy timeline.  This year I think about it and realize he would have just turned 1, I would be finished my maternity leave and likely heading back to work (at the old place with the awful boss).  That is one thing I can be thankful for not going back there!  Today is another day without him, and to be honest not feeling too much different from any other day without him.

This weekend we converted the crib to a bed.  Brennan has been in his twin for almost 2 years, the crib has been set up in the "nursery" being unused.  I've been thinking about putting a real bed in the room for sometime now.  It's a little (maybe big) step in the moving forward.  BIL is coming next month and I want somewhere comfortable for him to stay so this weekend being a long weekend and furniture stores notoriously having their  "tent sales"  I decided now was the time to stop thinking about it and do it.  We got a great deal on a nice pocket coil mattress.  My neighbor/friend helped us to bring it home in her truck she knows our story and thought it was sad that we took down the crib.  But I told her it can always be converted back if needed.  For now it will be our extra bed and it's darn comfy.

I am 7dpo today.  I went to the lab for my progesterone draw.  The place was packed and I didn't realize it at first but I was in the middle of a preggo sandwich.  "They" are everywhere!  I suppose I could be preggo myself it's just too early to know.  One more week to go!  I was going to try and hold out till 12dpo (Saturday) before testing but I getting that familiar urge and may not make it that long.  I am quite afraid to be disappointed but at the same time excited to maybe see two pink lines again.