Ready for the old HAG bring it on already.

Feeling a bit down today.  Another negative digi so this is just not THE cycle.  I would like for AF just to arrive so we can get this cycle over with and start again.

I hate that on the beautiful weather days I am feeling down and really just don't feel like doing anything.  I did spend some time outside with B and that was good despite the many mosquitoes.  When we came back into the house I went upstairs to the former nursery and looked out the window to the green space only to see two moms with a toddler and a baby in stroller each.  It made me feel even worse.

I really dislike what all this....the losses, the infertility has done to me.  Sure I function through life alright but I am not without significant scares.  I wonder what kind of me I would be if my life in these respects had been different?  I can't help but think a happier one at least.