Tough week

I've been having a bit of a tough week. The other day I happened upon a photographers page on fb and the pictures were of blm from back last summer about ready to pop with her next baby. I couldn't help but feel extreeme jealousy. After all her baby died because she wanted a vbac....then she gets pregnant again within a few months. How is that fair?! I made the decision to hide anyone/thing on fb that could potentially cause me distress. Coming up to those pictures in my news feed was more than distressing and destroyed my semi reasonably decent mood that day. Thinking again about going back to school. I wish it was so simple....the hardest part to wrap my head around is the money. We would have to borrow a heafty amount as of course I will lose my income for two years. Of course going back to school ends the baby dream.....that could be ok....or I could be ok with that I guess however that doesn't mean it won't hurt to leave that dream behind....and having my last experience with pregnancy and birth to be such a disappointing time. I really don't even know what to do. I have to take that first step and take my pre requisites psych, English, anatomy & physiology and medical microbiology....I can do this via correspondence....but taking that step and signing up for courses I may never need especially seeing how much they cost is prohibiting. I have a whole darn degree I don't use already! We are babysitting my sisters foster baby this weekend she is about 6 months now. There is an infant seat in my car, pack n play in the bedroom, and baby toys/grear in my living room. It just about killed me to set up the car seat. It expires soon....we will never get a chance to use it again....I've been thinking about getting rid of/donating all the baby stuff.....not much point in storing it anymore. Brennan is very excited for the baby to come. He wants so bad to be a big brother....he doesn't want to wait till Friday to pick the baby up, he wants two babies a boy and a girl. It breaks my heart because at this point he will more than likely be an only child. I had to explain the baby was only coming for a visit and wasn't ours to keep. My idea for my new ink is coming together I have the quote (lyrics) down to two different ones and the rest of the design in place.