Easter

Last weekend my sister invited me to attend her best friends Baptism this Easter Sunday. This friend is my friend also we actually share a birthday just a few years apart.

My initial reaction was surprise. I really had no idea that this friend was active in a Christian community or was being Baptized. My answer to my sister was probably what any good Christian my say. I agreed to go.

It's been in the back of my mind all week. Now it's right at the forefront. Easter Sunday is tomorrow. I haven't been to Church since Christmas time. The week after Christmas I was very sick with a bad cold and then Gavin was born and died and I haven't been back since.

So I am faced with making this step. Maybe it will be easy going to Church I am not familiar with but maybe it won't. I am afraid that it won't be easy. I really am afraid of falling apart in front of anyone, family members, friends, and strangers.

I am aware of the Easter story and that tomorrow is Resurrection Sunday...I think of hymns "Up from the Grave He Arose" "Christ the Lord is Risen today" "Because He Lives" (can you tell I grew up in a small town Baptist Church?) or more contemporary "Mighty to Save" Resurrection Sunday is supposed to be a happy day.

Yes I know that it's through HIS death, resurrection and ascension that I will have eternal life and that this also means my dead baby has this also and hopefully I will meet him again when I have passed from this earth. But it doesn't change the fact that it still hurts like heck that my time with him here on earth is over before it really even began.

I still hurt. I don't know if I can go to Church with all those happy people celebrating Easter and not hurt.

On a little side note. Going back to my post about signs. I was in Wal-mart today and decided to pick up a pair of shoes for Brennan. I didn't buy the neat black and green ones I bought the plain blue and grey. Why did I do this? Because the name Gavin is written on the inside of each shoe. Since when do you name shoes?