My weekly ramble and update

It's been a long week. After working last Sunday with the office move not to mention the work politics that are going on I think everyone was both physically and mentally exhausted. I was so tired when I got home last night...I had to crash for a while. Of course I was still up at 6:30am. The clock in my head (and my bladder) still tick away...lol.

Had a meeting with the boss yesterday. It ended up being an hour and a half. Coming out of that meeting I can say I feel slightly safer about my job...however I don't entirely trust my boss and thing she can be very two faced. I just have to make this work for a while longer.

I heard from my RE's office. They got me an appointment with the Maternal Fetal Medicine clinic. That is coming up this week. I am glad to have this appointment. I really would like to come up with some sort of concrete plan. Especially now that we are getting to crunch time. I've been staring at the calender deciding when would be the best time to have AF and cycle.

I am less than a month to my due date Gavin is on my thoughts a lot...not that I don't already think of him every day because I do. His birth would have been imminent. I imagine myself with my precious newborn. I still feel pretty ripped off that he was taken from me.

I saw someone from the church on the bus this week. She asked if I was still attending. I told her the truth. I was taking a break because I recently lost a baby. Of course I get the standard response "oh sometimes these things happen" "it's for the best." I said pretty point blank "my child was healthy and born alive, there is no reason for why this happened." That was the end of that conversation. I think I made her uncomfortable.

I think I need to alter my standard response from "I lost a baby" to "I had a preterm delivery and the baby died" I think this better explains without too much detail. "I lost a baby" just doesn't do. It doesn't do Gavin justice, it doesn't recognize him as a living being who was born and died. It doesn't recognize him as my child.

Sigh...this is going to be a hard few weeks. Tears are flowing much more freely again :(