Utter confusion

So we have had a pretty crappy year. I won't bore you with the rundown of items that have upset me or disappointed me in the last year (most have to do with Gavin's loss and various job difficulties for both DH and I). I did try to come up with a some "good things" and I managed a couple of mediocre events.

I am just so confused. I know it is the best thing for me to not be at my ex-job. I was so miserable. But now what? I don't want to get some new just as crappy job, and keep doing that for the rest of my life. If I had the funds I would be back in school doing something I really want to do. But it's not really feasible.

Then back to the baby making thing. Starting a new job means likely not cycling for some months. We can maybe try on our own with a bit of prescription help, but maybe we should just wait and save for an IVF. IVF will take all this risk of multiple births away. It is so much more controlled than IUI. (I never ever though I would ever have to go there)

Things are just so up in the air. I hate it. What is the purpose for my life? Seriously? Can we never be happy?....when can we have some good instead of all this crap?

The picture on the left is the garden stone we bought today. In honour of our baby boy and the upcoming 6 month anniversary of his birth and death. It also happens to be DH and my's 5th wedding anniversary.