This is a debate I see time and time again on the ttc/pregnancy boards. Usually those who suffer or who have suffered infertility/loss say they couldn't care less about the gender of their children as long as they are healthy. There is nothing wrong with this side but I also don't think there is anything wrong with feeling a tinge of disappointment when you find out the gender of your child may not be as you desired/hoped for. It's the people who do things like PGD for gender selection or possibly even abort an undesired gender that take things way to the extreme.
When I was pregnant with Brennan I thought for sure I was having a girl. I kind of hyped myself up and when I found out he was a boy yes I was a little disappointed. When I was pregnant with Gavin I was sure he was going to be a boy. On Dec 23 when we found out he was indeed a boy I admit I had held a tiny bit of hope that he was a girl and was slightly disappointed. But I had prepared myself for it and thought about all the good things about having a second boy. I didn't love my baby any less. I was excited to have a second little boy.
My family on the other hand "oh another boy" like I already had 5 or something, and "we need another girl in the family" like I can control the gender of my babies.
My feelings are conflicted about a subsequent pregnancy. Surprisingly I don't want a girl anymore. I don't want people to be overly excited about a baby girl when I am still grieving my boy...but at the same time I don't want a boy as he will seem to people as the "replacement." Others peoples perceptions seem to mean a lot. It really shouldn't make a difference.
Well my HSG is booked. Whoop de do....haha...
Work was ok today. Just one little incident with one of the co-workers. I had heard that this particular person had said some not so nice things to another girl in the office. So when she said what she did. I immediately tattled.....seriously I can't be in two places at once...I am not superwoman!
Oh and that pregnant associate....not as far along as I thought....still suffering terrible nausea, vomiting in the ladies each morning about 3 months along....she must be having twins...lol...looks to be about 5-6 months to me!
2 comments:
I understand the gender dilemma... with Kaelen, I was totally hoping for a little sister for Marrah but now, with the next pregnancy, I want a boy again... not to replace him but I just want a boy... a girl would be nice and I'll be happy with either but I really want another boy...
I kind of waver about the gender disappointment thing. I think that if I had never experience infertility, I might very likely have experienced gender disappointment if things hadn't gone the way I hoped. Now, though, facing the likelihood of no second child at all, either a boy or a girl sounds absolutely fabulous. I can totally understand your feelings, though, especially now. You're in a tough situation. Hopefully your family and friends will take your lead and be respectful of your mourning, but still, awkward situations are likely to arise. I hate it that you're going through this.
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