I've been doing a lot of thinking today about my Gavin. At times I still can't believe he's not with me, kicking away in my womb. At other times it almost feels like my pregnancy and Gavin's birth and death were all a dream....a very bad dream...a nightmare.
I received messages from my sister today. They have a new foster baby. Three days old. Apprehended from a substance abusing mother. My sister called this evening to find out how I felt about that.
I told her "I feel fine." It's certainly not the baby's fault. She is innocent and did nothing wrong. Her life will be a difficult one. It's not fair for her.
This baby does however bring me back to that fundamental question...why???!!! Why do some women, women with substance addictions, sexually transmitted infections etc. get reproduce and give birth to babies who are forever affected? When other people...like myself...put ourselves through the indignity of fertility treatments to get pregnant only to lose a healthy baby...and for a reason that can't even be truly determined. That will have to fight for every single day with a subsequent pregnancy.
It's just not fair.
Life is just not fair.
I hate it.
4 comments:
No, it's not fair. How God must weep to see the way the gift of procreation is used and abused, when it is so dearly desired by others.
No, it's not fair. It's very hard to understand how these things can happen.
http://www.youtube.com/watch#!v=YUn5OMwFS4U&feature=related
It's definitely not fair... I agree with you wholeheartedly... It just doesn't make any sense... no sense at all... Hugz.
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