The thought crossed my mind tonight that maybe we just aren't meant to having another living child. This is not the first time I have thought that but now that we are faced with the possibility of another cycle not going as planned....maybe this is all a sign...one that I want to ignore.
We got pregnant so easily (in infertility world) with both Brennan and Gavin so all these issues that have come up in the last 4 cycles has really shattered my confidence. I don't want Brennan to grow up as an only child. I have several siblings but by the time I was about 10 I was the only kid left in the house with my parents. I pretty much grew up as an only child. It was lonely.
I also want a chance at a birth that is not full of sadness or bitterness.
I don't want to give up quite yet but I know that I am so done with ttc, the drugs, the appointments, lab work, taking time off work, making up excuses.
I am disliking my body for being so difficult, for letting me down yet again :|( I was so optimistic that we would get pregnant again. That I wouldn't have to face January 9, 2011 feeling as empty as I did January 9, 2010.
Sometimes I really just hate this life....
3 comments:
I'm sorry it isn't going well, Gloria... I was hoping you'd be pregnant by now too. Don't give up hope... it's always darkest before the dawn hun and we're all rooting for you to have another little one to love. Hugs.
Sending love and hugs.
I'm sorry that all the test results are so discouraging.
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