Being left behind

I am on this fertility message board.  I've been on there for 5 years now (pathetic I know).  I joined a May Angels group after losing Gavin.  Most of the ladies had early losses (first trimester), two had later (21 & 24 week losses) and the last her baby died of SIDS at 4 months of age.  The mommy who lost her baby to SIDS is now 2nd tri pregnant, and the two others the 21 & 24 week losses BFP's yesterday and today.  I know there are still a few of us that were supposed to have May babies that are still trying but to see all those with the later loses get their BFP's while I keep trying is...well...I am just a little envious and feel like I am being left behind. I mean come on it's been a year already for me too:(

All I can do is to keep hoping that it will happen for me again.  Although I do have that thought in the back of my head that it might not.  That we will raise only one child.  I've been trying to be as relaxed about the current cycle as possible.  I did take clomid cuz well I just don't O without it most of the time.  I bought some opk's and didn't go crazy.  On January 9 I had what I thought was a positive OPK.   Turned out to be one mean trick.  I have not ovulated yet :(

Doesn't this look + to you?

I am getting just a little impatient.  Apparently I have no faith in my body....not like it deserves any with the way it's been behaving these last six months....oh yeah also breaking out like a teenager....sigh.

So I went and bought more OPKS tonight.  This time the digital kind even though they are like $10.00 more than the regular kind which by the way has a $5 coupon on them at Wal-mart.  No smiley face tonight.  In stead of blank circles indicating no surge the should have sad faces ;)