I was contacted this week very out of the blue by someone whom I've known since way back to 3rd grade. We lived in the same very small Hamlet. We've not really kept in touch since we graduated GVDPS and went off to different high schools. But we did find one another on FB. Gotta love FB.
I remember seeing her announcement earlier this year on FB that she was expecting a baby. In all honesty here I was so jealous. But I am jealous of anyone who's pregnant at this point in my life. What an awful awful emotion. I can really see how this emotion of jealously can be used to alter ones faith in Him.
She contacted me this week because her baby girl was born still last month at 25 weeks gestation. After all these years we have been reconnected through our losses. I feel absolutely awful. As much as I am envious of all the pregnant bellies I see or hear about. I don't want people to personally know the searing pain of baby loss....it's just not right.
We've been chatting. Glad that we can. Wishing it was under different circumstances.
I've been reading "I Will Carry You" by Angie Smith. On my second read now. In the book she refers to a Corrie Ten Boom parenting technique about carrying the weight of knowledge. It really resonates with me and can apply to all people struggling with faith and trying to understand the why's. To put it simply there are things that are just too heavy for us to carry, and are not meant to be understood right now. We need to trust that He is strong and He will carry not only the weight of the knowledge but us too.
I wish that were easy and simple for me to accept. Something to keep working on, I am sure it will be a life long challenge.
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