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Yesterday was a busy day with two birthday parties one for my great niece and the other for my niece. The first party was at a play place for kids....can we say ZOO! B was asleep in the back of the car after the second party and I felt the same way! March 17 was also the 1 year anniversary of my D&C. I remember of course but it has always seemed that pregnancy and loss didn't impact me quite the same as the others. I am not sure if Ive become too pessimistic that something good could happen that when the bad comes it's almost expected.....well that has been my life for the last couple of years. 5 days past 3 day transfer today or 8 days past retrieval....less than a week till beta day. I will test before then. I want to be able to prepare myself for whatever news comes. On the way to the store this morning I was listening to the radio(a Christian station) and the todays call in advice was to the broken hearted to never lose faith and hope that we will be "healed" because it will happen. Of course this is reiterated in: Psalm 147:3 3 He heals the brokenhearted    and binds up their wounds. The song that was on when I got into the car: "Word Of God Speak" I'm finding myself at a loss for words And the funny thing is it's okay The last thing I need is to be heard But to hear what You would say [CHORUS] Word of God speak Would You pour down like rain Washing my eyes to see Your majesty To be still and know That You're in this place Please let me stay and rest In Your holiness Word of God speak I'm finding myself in the midst of You Beyond the music, beyond the noise All that I need is to be with You And in the quiet hear Your voice [REPEAT CHORUS 2x] I'm finding myself at a loss for words And the funny thing is it's okay I found this song after my first miscarriage and can't tell you how many times I've asked to hear that voice.