4 Weeks

It's been 4 weeks since you left, I would be 25 weeks pregnant tomorrow. The times seems to have flown by yet at the same time my days are like a snails pace. I was laying in bed yesterday trying to nap which is near impossible with construction camp outside my window. I lay looking at my tummy, feeling a little betrayed, it's not supposed to look like that flat and soft. I took a deep breath and puffed my stomach out, put my hands on your favorite spot and though that's how it's supposed to look and feel. Too bad I can't hold my breath forever.

Your birth certificate arrived a couple days ago. I HATE the big black word printed over your information "DECEASED"

My medical records arrive last night, very quick work on the part of the people in Health Records at the hospital. It took half the time they said. I will say incompetent cervix is everywhere in the chart. That was indeed their very first query and possible dx. I checked out the blood work the only result that came in high were my neutrophills. My level was 7.9 where the upper end of normal range is 7.5. My overall WBC was 10.7 where the upper end of normal is 11.0. Neutrophills are part of wbc, I have learned that they are generally the "first responders" to infection. These cells consume bacteria and then die off. These results see to mesh with the "early chorio" from the placenta pathology.

The rest of the chart was interesting to read but didn't really give any more insight into why this all happened. The physicians and nurses keep their own separate notes/orders. The physicians just write about the medical facts what the orders were, the symptoms, the delivery. The nurses write a bit more about the patient as a person. "PT teary but coping well" "husband helping" "PT ++uncomfortable but coping well" "left family to grieve at this time" "PT sleeping, baby in cot in room"

I read through about 3 times, probably will read through many more times.