I know it's logical but....

I am still disappointed.

I've had a few hours to decompress before putting my thoughts to words....here it goes.

I was at my fertility clinic this morning. I honestly thought I was done with that place....unless for some crazy reason I wanted to try for a 3rd child before I turned 35.

I got taken back quickly even though I was early. I don't have any qualms about sitting in the waiting room there. I know that of course there could be some women there with very early pregnancies but if they are at that clinic then I know it's not been an easy Sunday morning rendezvous type of conception.

I spoke to the nurse first, then they sent the resident in (whom might I say was obviously pregnant). We chatted for quite some time (I only cried a little), she looked over the records from the hospital and came up with a "plan" to present to Dr M. Dr M came in did the "I am so sorry" routine blah blah. Of course that brings me to tears again.

Now onto the disappointing part. They want me to do more blood work than what DR T. ordered, it's all to do with blood clotting. The catch is I have to wait 4-6 more weeks to have it done. The fact that I have recently been pregnant can alter the results, hence the wait. Then it takes 3 weeks for the results. The thing is that the chances of some blood clotting disorder are very slim given I have had a non complicated full term pregnancy with B. But if I don't have this done before cycling and get pregnant I could potentially have another loss then I would be blaming myself for the rest of my life for not taking their advice.

Dr M said we want to take all measures to make sure I get to take a baby home next time. I totally get this....it just doesn't make my heart feel any better. Knowing that I will STILL be waiting and empty come May...when Gavin was supposed to have been born. To me 3 months seems like an eternity.

So the plan for me...they are starting me on prescription prenatal's for the extra folic acid, pregnancy depletes levels and I've just been pregnant so they think I could benefit from the extra. I will begin using Nuva Ring during this "waiting period." When I get my next withdrawal bleed I get the honour and joy of another HSG....this will be my THIRD people. Of course that SFI (aka stupid f'ing infection....chorioamnionitis) could have blocked up my tubes....lets hope not, no sense paying thousands of dollars for medication if the tubes are blocked. Then all the blood clotting and STI blood work. After all the results come follow up with Dr M....then hopefully we can cycle.

Oh yeah I forgot...they are referring me to the reproductive counselor....I said I would give it a try.

Plan for DH...do the compulsory annual STI blood work....how did he get off so lucky? He doesn't even have to repeat the SA.