Today's ultrasound did not go well. I can't say I was really surprised. But I still had that smidgen of hope.
The probe went in, I saw the baby, saw that it had grown (small flicker of hope within me) s/he was very cute, I could see the amnion surrounding him/her. As the RE zoomed in I looked hard for that beautiful flutter. It wasn't there anymore. According to the measurements growth stopped about a week ago.
I've been in a very similar place before with my first pregnancy, although a heart beat was not seen that time.
The RE had us put in another room to talk options. Natural/Misoprostel/D & C. His preferred option is Misoprostel. I swore up and down after my first loss I would never ever do that again. It was a terrible experience. After natural labour to deliver Gavin I just don't want to go there either. I just want it over. I understand there are risks to surgery. But at this point I don't care. I don't know that even after I am done healing that I will have the heart to even try again.
The RE said that since this is my 3rd loss now is the time for his "team" to really look in depth at my chart. To see if anything has been missed. The baby/placenta will be tested maybe that will provide some answers. I don't know.
D & C should be tomorrow afternoon.
My heart and soul are broken.
14 comments:
Gloria,
I'm sitting here watching the snow fall and crying. I know you're in such a hard place right now.
I'm so sorry this happened to you.
I wish there was something I could say to make it better.
Please know I'm here.
I know the days can be dark and lonely, so reach out if you need to.
I am so so sorry. Sending tons of love and hugs your way. {HUGS}
I am so so sorry! I was so hoping and praying for you and still am. Tons of hugz.
Oh sweetie, I am so sorry. I hate that they have to wait until you have 3 losses before they really look into your chart. Praying for you!
Gloria,
I'm so sorry for this continued heartache. I think you are definitely making the right decision about the D&C. My heart is breaking for you and I hope that you are able to find peace in the coming months. ((HUG)) -meredith
Gloria,
I am so sorry for your loss ad this sad news. My heart just breaks for you. I think you are making the right decision about the surgery. I hope that you find peace in the next few months and find the strength we all know you have. ((HUG)) Love, Meredith
No NO NO NO NOOOOO! I'm so sorry, Glo. I don't even know what to say. This is so awful. So unfair.
I am so sorry sweetie. I hate that you are traveling this road again. It never gets easier. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
I am in tears for you. I can only imagine the grief and hopelessness you must feel right now. Sending you hugs across the miles and hoping that someday you will get the rainbow baby you so greatly deserve.
I'm so sorry. My heart hurts for you. Sending you peace and comfort.
I'm so sorry :(
You've been through so much, and I know there isn't anything I could say that would make you feel better. You and your family are in my thoughts. <3
Glo,
How devastating for you and your family. I can't imagine how hard yesterday and today have been for you. Please know I am thinking of you and that I am so sorry that you have lost another angel.
I am so sorry! I hate that you have lost another little one.
I have had a stillbirth and 2 miscarriages. During my last miscarriage, I kept have flashbacks to Jacob's birth and it wasn't good. I used misoprostal both time. I understand why you chose the D & C. Sending you love.
Oh Gloria, I am so sorry. My heart is broken for you. I wish you much peace in the coming days and weeks. ((hugs))
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