Maybe I should have gone right to labour and delivery at 6am right after I saw that tiny bit of blood in the mucous. But I didn't. I did the wait and see and arrived at 1pm. Then I waited some more. It was after 6pm by the time the resident checked me, it was 7:03pm when I made that frantic phone call to my husband.
Would have, could have, should have.
Maybe my life's biggest regret. That I could have done something more to save my child.....and didn't.
Can I swear on this thing?!?
2 comments:
Yes, you can swear. You can do whatever you want.
I'm sorry Glo. I suspect that it would have made no difference, but I know this - if you had known it was a problem, you would have been beating down doors to be seen. You weren't negligent, you just didn't know. If you had known, you would have done whatever you could have.
ahh... that old familiar game. how i hate it. a year and a half later, i'm still playing it too. at least now with some distance (and a lot of therapy) i can recognize that the guilt should not rest on my shoulders. in fact, no one did anything wrong or made any bad choices. it just happened. i still hear it surface sometimes though... well, if only i'd done, been, was...
i promise, you made no bad choices. the guilt for this is not yours. it is just something that happened. a horrible, terrible, heartbreakingly shitty thing that happened. (please swear away if it'll make you feel better.)
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